Substitute Teachers Lounge
Substitute Teachers Lounge
Navigating Substitute Teacher Jealousy: When Popularity Creates Tension
Substitute teaching comes with unexpected social dynamics that we rarely discuss openly. What happens when students loudly proclaim you're their "favorite substitute" while another sub stands nearby? Should you feel proud or guilty when teachers request you instead of other substitutes? Today's episode dives into these delicate situations and explores the sometimes awkward relationships between substitute teachers.
I share personal experiences from my recent months in the classroom - moments when students approach me in hallways asking which class I'm teaching, teachers who express their preference for me over their assigned substitute, and the subtle (or not-so-subtle) tension these interactions create with other substitutes. Rather than feeling guilty about these moments of recognition, I've learned to appreciate them while remaining sensitive to how they might affect my substitute colleagues.
The reality is that substitute teaching can sometimes feel like a competition, with certain subs developing reputations as the "cool" or "preferred" options. Like my past experiences as a volleyball referee, I've noticed how quickly this can create a hierarchy that breeds resentment. Instead of participating in this dynamic, I suggest focusing on building positive relationships with students, teachers, AND fellow substitutes. Remember that different personality types can be equally effective in the classroom - your authentic approach matters more than trying to be the most popular sub in the building.
Looking ahead to summer, I'm excited to announce a new interview series featuring substitute teachers from our Facebook community! We'll gather perspectives from across the country (maybe even worldwide) to learn from each other's experiences. Make sure to follow the podcast so you don't miss these upcoming conversations with fellow subs who understand exactly what you're experiencing in the classroom.
This is Greg Collins, episode 288 of Substitute Teacher's Lounge podcast. It is April 22nd 2025. All right, listen up. Should you feel guilty when a student walks up to you in the public hallway and says you're my favorite substitute teacher. You're my favorite substitute teacher. Should you feel guilty when you're in a hallway and a regular teacher is standing there and one of the students goes up and says Can you ask Mr Collins to be our substitute teacher the next time you're gone? Should you feel guilty if you're standing in the hallway and there's students in the hallway that aren't in the class? You're getting ready to sub, but then the teacher comes out and says you know, they sure wish you were subbing today instead of my substitute. Well, should you feel guilty? Should you feel guilty is under all three of those circumstances, another substitute teacher heard the conversations. Well, that some of the things that have happened to me in the last three months and we're going to talk about that today. Substitute Teacher's Lounge. All right, all right. First of all, let me tell you about something I'm excited about. I hope you will be too, because you all hear me yak too much every week and I appreciate all of you that listen. We have the Substitute Teachers Lounge Facebook group and we've got well, I think we're up to 4,500 or something.
Greg:I should have looked before I started this, but that page was originally intended for people to respond to the podcast episode. Well, it actually migrated into something else because I let all the members talk about whatever they wanted to. They could be negative topics if need be, as long as they weren't negative about another person on the board. I wouldn't allow that. I wouldn't really allow anything political. I mean, those are just opinions, things along that line. But uh, shout out to one of the members of that group named Star. She talked about how she'd been listening to the podcast and would love to be interviewed. And I got to thinking man, you know, that's a great idea, especially headed into summer. So I replied to her post and said you know, that is a great idea. I would love to get people's perspectives from all over the country, maybe even all over the world, and we'll set up some Zoom meetings. And I replied and said anybody else that might be interested reply to this post. I think we got at least 10. We'll probably get some more. So I think what I'll do to start out one of the closing episodes of this school year. Sometime in May, I think, I'll set up a Zoom meeting with all of them at the same time and we'll also make it a video edition so that, if you want it to see some of their faces, if they choose to let you see their faces, you can do that. You can see who's talking. That will be fun, and then I'll probably let them talk individually on a different episode throughout the summer and maybe even make that like a summer series.
Greg:We're really not off that long. What are we off 12 weeks? Well, you know, I can probably find 12 of the members of that Facebook group that would want to be interviewed, and everybody has a different perspective. What are we off 12 weeks? Well, you know, I can probably find 12 of the members of that Facebook group that would want to be interviewed, and everybody has a different perspective. The group one, just like every other group. There's going to be a few that dominate that discussion and I'll let them do that and then we'll do individual ones later. So look forward to that in the next few weeks.
Greg:Now when I thought about a title for this episode and I don't know if the AI picks a different title and I like it, I'll go with theirs. But you know, mine was going to be something to the effect of when substitute teachers dislike other substitutes, and let me tell you the three things that I mentioned to open the show. Now, on the flip side, there are classes, and one of the reasons I don't go back to some schools anymore that I used to love is that there's students right there right now and some of them are straight A students. They think they can get away with anything and they think they can get away with anything and they think they can do anything they want. And I'm sorry, I'm 67 years old, I'm still old school in that respect and I'm not going to let you talk back to me. And because of that and because I love elementary school so much, I'm probably not going to go back to that middle school again the rest of the year. We'll see how things work out as we move down the line. Middle school again the rest of the year. We'll see how things work out as we move down the line.
Greg:But there are substitute teachers that I really, really like, not because of their job as a substitute I don't know their job right, I've never observed them teach but it's because of their friendliness and their positivity when I meet them in the hallway hey, good to see you again, greg, what grade are you teaching today? And I run into them all the time because they're looking at the same jobs I am, and those guys are pleasant to be around. It reminds me some of my referee days. I don't referee volleyball much anymore and one of the reasons not the only reason, but one of the reasons, not the only reason, but one of the reasons is that some of the other referees you know that gets to be kind of a diva thing if you're not careful, because we're always set up one referee is quote in charge, they're referee a and somebody else is referee b and that means referee a is up on the stand. They're in charge of the most important game, usually the varsity game and the other one is down, and sometimes the up referee then has the attitude that I'm better than you. So you've got to do what I say, and you know me by now. You know that I joke around with everybody and sometimes I'll joke around with them and they don't appreciate it. Like who is this guy? So I decided it was time for me to get out of that, at least for a while, and the person in charge is very understanding and has always told me, as the softball person as well, that the door is always open.
Greg:Here's what my observances have been All three of the things I mentioned at the beginning and I said should I feel guilty about? Well, no, I don't feel guilty about them. In fact, there's some pride there, right? I've had an episode before it's probably been over a year ago, maybe two years ago where I've talked about. You know, I haven't really been considered cool any time in my life, even. You know, even in my school days, I had plenty of friends, but you know, they didn't walk. I didn't walk down the hallway and the other students were saying, oh, that's the cool student, that's Greg, he's the cool student here. Well, you know, I actually get some of that at schools from the students.
Greg:Now, why do they think I'm cool? Only because I'm friendly? Only because I share stories? Only because I joke around with them? Only because I will give them second chances? Only because I occasionally bribe them with the Jolly Rancher? Those are the reasons they like me to be there, but I like to think that the teachers like me there too.
Greg:I have teachers. Now that I am the top person on their list, they contact me first and that always makes me feel good and I'm excited about it. But the reaction of some of the other substitute teachers and I know they're popular too is if I see another substitute called out in a situation like they're better than me, I mean I didn't do anything, I didn't say oh, all these students here think that I'm a better substitute teacher than you, but when they hear those comments in the hallway it makes them feel bad. And then, just like that volleyball referee, if I should say something to them in the hallway, even if it's just the best way to go about a fire drill, because I had been through it at school so many times, I've seen some take offense to that. There's the one lady I ran into a few months ago. I could tell that she didn't appreciate something that I said to her and I think she thought she was my elder, when I know for a fact that I am older than she is, and it was just an uncomfortable situation. When we would then later go out on recess, she would always talk about how, oh, ms So-and-so asked me to come and sub her class. She likes me in there as much as possible.
Greg:I don't say that in front of other subs, I don't want to Occasionally. I've told you, just like today. I tell you what students say to me. I tell you what to strive for. I'll make some suggestions that some of which mesh because of my personality and not everybody's personality is the same, and just because yours is not the same as mine does not mean that you will not be a good substitute teacher.
Greg:But I am not going to just let a snub go by. I'm not going to say anything negative at the moment, but if I see a substitute teacher react that way to me, I'm going to think all right, what do I need to do to make that substitute teacher feel better about themselves? And if I just happen to have a casual conversation with them on the fly about something else I might mention, ah, these kids are crazy. Some of them know me from church, some of them know me from volleyball. That's the only reason they make comments about me. They will. It's kind of funny, I was going to say.
Greg:Sometimes even they will give me a hard time here lately. I don't know what it is, but it seems like the students that I've had to call down the most for doing something they shouldn't be doing. Even to the point I made one kid cry with my words just because I embarrassed him, I guess in front of some of his friends. That student every time I see him in the hallway he's the first one to come up and hug me. There are students that I've had to fuss at in the past that they look the other way when I come in. That's more the middle school and high school variety. But I appreciate that they at least respect me, to realize to the point they're either doing one or two things they're trying to make up with me so that they won't get in trouble again when I'm in their class or they legitimately realize that I'm supposed to respect this person. I did something wrong. I understand. Anytime you react in the time of the event. Usually it's the wrong reaction I mean, but anyway, that's what I've been going through.
Greg:But anytime you run into, do not try to brag in front of other substitute teachers. I've, I can't imagine, I can't, I can't fathom sometimes. A couple of years ago again, this happened when one substitute teacher she was a lady, very friendly lady, a lady that I could get along with well, and she just made the comment. You know she said it's getting kind of embarrassing when the students tell me I'm their favorite substitute teacher. Well, I couldn't let that go. I didn't say anything to her, but I asked the students and you know, generally they would say, oh yeah, she's okay. And you know, some of them would go ahead and say no, we'd rather have you in the class. But that's okay. Though.
Greg:If that substitute teacher, if it motivates that, if she feels that way in her mind, great, full steam ahead. If she's really just saying that to make me feel inferior to her, that is not good. I mean, I know she went to a public event. She went to enough public events that I saw a couple of teachers kind of roll their eyes. Now, that's okay that she went to public events. They came across to the other teachers like she was really desperate and wanted to be on their good side, so bad they would. She would come to and when I say that, it's like when something negative has happened in a member's family and maybe there was some kind of not memorial, but some kind of Thanksgiving thing or prayer session or something. She would come to that and it just, you know, that's not. You know, I don't feel like I'm close enough to the teachers to feel worthy of doing that. Now, if they invite me, that's different. But my feelings are this I am not going to feel bad. In fact I am going to enjoy it.
Greg:When teachers, when students come up to me and say, mr Collins, when's the next time you're going to teach your class? Or I'll walk in the building, mr Collins, whose class are you in today? I love that, you know. That's another one I hadn't even thought about that one when I walk in the front door at the beginning of the day, well, guess who's standing there? A lot of different students. And if I have a student come up to me and say, mr Collins, where are you subbing today? And they say that in front of all those subs, all those other subs, and they don't say the same thing to those other subs yeah, it's kind of an uncomfortable feeling, but no, I don't feel bad about it. To those other subs yeah, it's kind of an uncomfortable feeling, but no, I don't feel bad about it. I will never.
Greg:If a substitute teacher reacts to me negatively, I will never react negatively as well. I'll say you know, have a good day. Maybe they'll think I'm being condescending, but I try my best to have good relationships, not only with the students and the teachers but with the substitute teachers, because there's a possibility that you're going to run into other substitute teachers more often than you're going to run into certain teachers because they rotate around to schools like you rotate around to schools, so I'm not going to worry about it. It's a bad thing if one substitute teacher dislikes the other. There's a bad thing if one substitute teacher is jealous of the others, get jealous and envious. I think it's jealous in this situation because you're talking about a person in this situation, because you're talking about a person. But I won't get mad if I don't want them to be I should say jealous of anything they see with a student interaction or a teacher interaction with me.
Greg:I just want to go in and substitute teach. I will always try to be their friend. I will socialize. You know usually, especially recess, that's when you get the chance to talk to them. Most of the subs don't eat with the teachers, eat lunch with the teachers, so we usually don't get to talk then. And that makes it worse because a lot of them know me and they're having personal conversations with me in front of the other subs and some of them will even ask me after it's over.
Greg:Man, you know a lot of teachers here and I said, well, some of them I know personally. Some of them I know because their kid played volleyball and I was a volleyball referee, so that's no big deal. I try to encourage them as much as possible and, yes, I'm sure there are substitute teachers out there that are even more highly thought of than me. Imagine that. But I want us all to do a good job of substitute teaching. Doggone it, what do we got left here Five more weeks at the most. It's April 21st, so it's probably less than that. But I want you to do a good job of substitute teaching. I want us all to. My paperwork already had to be filed for next year, no-transcript.
