My Substitute Teacher Story, Written By a Robot

Ever wondered what happens when artificial intelligence writes your life story? In this fascinating episode, I dive into the surreal experience of discovering an AI-generated book about my substitute teaching career—written entirely without my input beyond a few basic questions.
ge of the AI-generated book cover!

Transcript

Introducing the AI-Generated Book

Greg 0:00

Greg Collins Substitute Teachers Lounge . It is June 26 , 2025 . I always struggle a little bit trying to come up with topics in the summer , because I take most of my topics on what's happened to me in the classroom , but today we're digging in more to AI . I hope it will be interesting to you because I have in front of me a book called Substitute Teacher's Guide to Chaos Real Life Stories from the Trenches Lessons you Won't Find in Any Textbook . It says number one bestseller of 2025 , and the author is listed as Greg Collins .

Greg 0:38

Well , I didn't write this . This is not going to be a commercial . I'm not even going to tell you the company that I got this from , but you can get it for yourself . You can find it for yourself . I should say I entered in a bunch of stuff . It was probably only 10 questions . One of them was what are you doing right now as a substitute teacher ? And AI created this book . Now , I don't know if it just created it from those 10 questions or in some way it had a way to research me and find out more . But I'm going to read some excerpts from the first chapter that are absolutely uncanny . Almost a little bit eerie , because it is so close to what my actual early days of substitute teaching were , so if you've got a few extra dollars spinning around , I would encourage you to do this too . It's actually a group that will do this for anybody , not just substitute teachers . I'm actually going to put some cover art in the description of the podcast today so that you can see the way the cover turned out too , but I'm looking forward to it .

Greg 1:47

A book about me that I didn't write and neither did anyone else . Substitute teachers all right , I've had a great summer

Summer Break Updates

Greg 2:07

so far . We just just spent a week in florida , two days of which was with one of my sons , and we went to epic universe and had an absolute blast . You got to go see it . Even if you're not a universal person , you've got to go see epic universe . It's worth it . My favorite attractions was monsters unchained . My favorite land was super nintendo world . That's really the reason I wanted to go in the first place , if you get the opportunity to do that . The other great things I this summer so far is I'm helping coach a summer eight to ten year-year-old volleyball team , just a casual YMCA-type league . We started playing games . Last night I saw a couple of students that I had subbed last school year , I guess , there to watch their sister , so it was cool to see them again .

Greg 3:03

Let's get back to this book now . If you find this company , you'll find it . If you want a book like this , you'll find it . It's . It's an ai created book . I assume this is a new company . I was really not . My expectation , expectations weren't that high , but , man , after I looked through this , they created 20 chapters .

Greg 3:25

Now I will say this if you enter in the fact that you're a substitute teacher , I don't know , maybe it creates the exact same book for you with just your name in spots instead of mine . I don't know that , but I am going to try my best not to make this a boring reading , but rather make it as if I'm talking to you , like I normally do on my podcast . So here it goes . I don't know how long this will take . I want it to be short because it's summertime . Who wants to listen to a really long podcast ? But I'm already into it four minutes , so I better get started . This

Reading "The First Day Jitters"

Greg 4:00

is chapter one . It is entitled the First Day Jitters . I'm going to skip around , but try not to make it sound like I'm skipping around . So here we go .

Greg 4:10

As I stood in front of the mirror that morning , my stomach churning like a washing machine on spin cycle , I couldn't shake the feeling that I was about to embark on one of the great adventures of my life . It wasn't a cruise ship filled with sunsets or Mai Tais A retired vacation groupie like me usually longed for that kind of trip but rather my first day as a substitute teacher , who knew that a grown man could feel this jittery . I felt like a contestant on a game show , waiting for the host to announce the prize . What do you get when you cross a nervous retiree with a classroom full of kids ? Greg Collins , oh boy . I could feel my heart racing in my chest and my palms were sweaty enough that I could probably have lubricated all the wheels in my house as I drove to the school .

Greg 4:58

I couldn't help but imagine all the potential disasters that could unfold . Would I walk into the classroom of sweet-faced little angels , or would I stumble into a den of teenage chaos where sanity went to die ? Was I prepared to confront the little know-it-alls with their snickering laughter and their iPhones out at times ? The thought of a hungry pack of sixth graders cloning my every word made me shudder In my pastel Hawaiian shirt . Let me break away just for a moment I can't remember what telling this organization that I wore Hawaiian shirts to school , but I do just about every day . All right back to the book . The thought of a hungry pack of sixth graders cloning my every word made me shudder . In my pastel Hawaiian shirt , I felt like the only thing standing between order and pandemonium was a questionable sense of humor and a solid playlist of 70s music , because , let's be honest , nothing diffuses tension better than a little staying alive .

Greg 5:58

Eventually , I found myself standing in front of a classroom door my classroom door , I might add . It felt like a portal to a different dimension . That's ironic , since I just got back from Epic Universe . I put my hand on the handle , took another deep breath and steeled myself for whatever lay within . My heart pounded like a bass drum as I turned the knob , partially afraid of what was on the other side some parasite-like preteen who'd become the ruler of the jungle , ready to dethrone me at my moment . What if this self-imposed gamble didn't pay off ? If only I could summon the spirit of my vacation trips , with their easygoing vibes and charm .

Greg 6:39

As I entered the classroom , the energy was palpable a mix of excitement , shenanigans and a hint of treachery , lurking in the corners like a cat ready to pounce . I let out , let out a nervousle , which earned me a look from a girl in the back who seemed suspiciously wise for 12 years old . She had a half smirk on her face , as if she had just realized she was about to witness a glorious train wreck . I quickly gathered my thoughts and put on my teacher face which , by the way , looks a lot like my regular face , but with a touch of full confidence added in . I cleared my throat a sound that resonated throughout the classroom like an air horn and introduced myself Good morning everyone . I'm Mr Collins , your substitute teacher for the day . The way I said it , I could almost hear the echo of uncertainty ripple through the room , I swear they collectively held their breath , trying to analyze me like a science experiment gone wrong . It was as if they are trading bets on whether or not I could keep them under control . Some students nodded . Others seemed deep in thought about whether they would need to send a rescue text to their parents .

Greg 7:51

After a whirlwind of introductions , I tried to regain a semblance of control , ask them what they like to do . The conversations fused into a cacophony reminiscent of a disco party gone wrong , with kids shouting out hobbies like eating pizza , playing video games and scrolling Insta . No surprise there . If there was one thing I learned from all those years watching 70s sitcoms , it was that kids could be unabashedly honest about what they loved . I could hear the echo of golden songs like Dancing Queen playing in the back of my mind , because hey , who doesn't love a little dancing amid chaos ?

Greg 8:28

To further complicate matters , I decided to introduce some engaging activities . I split the classes into groups , arming them with construction paper , scissors

Water Bottle Olympics in Class

Greg 8:38

and markers in an effort to create their own pizza , complete with toppings . As we started discussing fractions , I figured if they could grasp fractions by designing their ideal pizza , perhaps that would spark some joy and interest in math . Yet what ensued was akin to a kindergarten class left unsupervised at a zoo . Scissors began flying and paper pieces paper pizza slices started sticking to walls like wildlife rather than resembling culinary art . I felt my heart race a little as I realized I'd now created a pizza-based paper mache site , more akin to an avant-garde museum exhibit rather than a math lesson . They say in teaching , a good lesson plan is only as useful as the ability to adapt to real-time mayhem . Very true . As I swiveled around to regain control , a part of me thought what would the great rock stars of the 70s do in this situation ? The answer was simple They'd roll with it and embrace the chaos . And that's precisely what I attempted to do as I launched into a bizarre , impromptu discussion about how rock music can break down barriers , even those formed by mythology around fractions . Somehow peppering stairway to heaven into my attempts by making math relatable felt incredibly liberating at the moment .

Greg 10:03

One sunny Tuesday morning I walked to the classroom filled with an unusual sense of optimism . I'd barely closed the door behind me when it happened . A once innocent plastic water bottle magically morphed into a projectile , launched with pinpoint accuracy into the air , like a scene straight out of an action movie . I turned just in time to see the bottle sail majestically across the room , grazing a poor girl's curly top , before plummeting into the oblivion of my finely crafted whiteboard . Sure enough , the room erupted into chaos , as if it had been waiting for this moment all week . The resulting laughter ricocheted off the walls , bouncing like a basketball at finals . Guess , we've launched the water battle Olympics , I joke . Trying to tame the insanity around me To quell the ensuing laughter . I resorted to quick-witted reasoning All right class , how about we save the bottle toss for gym class ? Today we'll focus on math and the importance of aiming for the right target .

Greg 11:01

Amid stifled giggles and knowing glances , I could see their inner workings of the students' minds . They were already concocting elaborate schemes to outdo each other with further antics . Suddenly , suddenly , I felt like I was hosting the world's least productive episode of a show . Looking back at the day , as I sipped a mug of lukewarm coffee , my exhaustion felt strangely rejuvenating . It was as if I had stepped out of a classroom

Final Thoughts on AI-Created Book

Greg 11:30

and into a world that reminded me how to laugh freely and embrace moments of spontaneous joy , something I might have lost amid the whirlwinds of adult responsibilities . My journey as a substitute teacher was just beginning , and while the days ahead promised their fair share of adventure , heartbreak and comedy , I couldn't help but feel excited . I was all ready to encounter mayhem , tackle unpredictability and ultimately discover the wonderful world of learning alongside those young minds . Whatever tomorrow had in store , I could only hope it was as festive as today and perhaps sprinkled with a little less flour .

Greg 12:10

All right , that's all I'm going to read from the first chapter . There's 14 other chapters pretty much just like it . That's all I'm going to read from the first chapter . There's 14 other chapters pretty much just like it . I'll apologize to those of you that listen to this podcast on a faster speed , because I know I was talking really fast . Try not to take up too much time , so you might have had to click your speed down a little bit for this one . But that's it . An AI-created book about me , not written by me or anybody else , just written by the forces out there above us .