Substitute Teachers Lounge
Substitute Teachers Lounge
My Substitute Teacher Story, Written By a Robot
Ever wondered what happens when artificial intelligence writes your life story? In this fascinating episode, I dive into the surreal experience of discovering an AI-generated book about my substitute teaching career—written entirely without my input beyond a few basic questions.
ge of the AI-generated book cover!
Greg Collins Substitute Teachers Lounge. It is June 26, 2025. I always struggle a little bit trying to come up with topics in the summer, because I take most of my topics on what's happened to me in the classroom, but today we're digging in more to AI. I hope it will be interesting to you because I have in front of me a book called Substitute Teacher's Guide to Chaos Real Life Stories from the Trenches Lessons you Won't Find in Any Textbook. It says number one bestseller of 2025, and the author is listed as Greg Collins.
Greg:Well, I didn't write this. This is not going to be a commercial. I'm not even going to tell you the company that I got this from, but you can get it for yourself. You can find it for yourself. I should say I entered in a bunch of stuff. It was probably only 10 questions. One of them was what are you doing right now as a substitute teacher? And AI created this book. Now, I don't know if it just created it from those 10 questions or in some way it had a way to research me and find out more. But I'm going to read some excerpts from the first chapter that are absolutely uncanny. Almost a little bit eerie, because it is so close to what my actual early days of substitute teaching were, so if you've got a few extra dollars spinning around, I would encourage you to do this too. It's actually a group that will do this for anybody, not just substitute teachers. I'm actually going to put some cover art in the description of the podcast today so that you can see the way the cover turned out too, but I'm looking forward to it.
Greg:A book about me that I didn't write and neither did anyone else. Substitute teachers all right, I've had a great summer so far. We just just spent a week in florida, two days of which was with one of my sons, and we went to epic universe and had an absolute blast. You got to go see it. Even if you're not a universal person, you've got to go see epic universe. It's worth it. My favorite attractions was monsters unchained. My favorite land was super nintendo world. That's really the reason I wanted to go in the first place, if you get the opportunity to do that. The other great things I this summer so far is I'm helping coach a summer eight to ten year-year-old volleyball team, just a casual YMCA-type league. We started playing games. Last night I saw a couple of students that I had subbed last school year, I guess, there to watch their sister, so it was cool to see them again.
Greg:Let's get back to this book now. If you find this company, you'll find it. If you want a book like this, you'll find it. It's. It's an ai created book. I assume this is a new company. I was really not. My expectation, expectations weren't that high, but, man, after I looked through this, they created 20 chapters.
Greg:Now I will say this if you enter in the fact that you're a substitute teacher, I don't know, maybe it creates the exact same book for you with just your name in spots instead of mine. I don't know that, but I am going to try my best not to make this a boring reading, but rather make it as if I'm talking to you, like I normally do on my podcast. So here it goes. I don't know how long this will take. I want it to be short because it's summertime. Who wants to listen to a really long podcast? But I'm already into it four minutes, so I better get started. This is chapter one. It is entitled the First Day Jitters. I'm going to skip around, but try not to make it sound like I'm skipping around. So here we go.
Greg:As I stood in front of the mirror that morning, my stomach churning like a washing machine on spin cycle, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was about to embark on one of the great adventures of my life. It wasn't a cruise ship filled with sunsets or Mai Tais A retired vacation groupie like me usually longed for that kind of trip but rather my first day as a substitute teacher, who knew that a grown man could feel this jittery. I felt like a contestant on a game show, waiting for the host to announce the prize. What do you get when you cross a nervous retiree with a classroom full of kids? Greg Collins, oh boy. I could feel my heart racing in my chest and my palms were sweaty enough that I could probably have lubricated all the wheels in my house as I drove to the school.
Greg:I couldn't help but imagine all the potential disasters that could unfold. Would I walk into the classroom of sweet-faced little angels, or would I stumble into a den of teenage chaos where sanity went to die? Was I prepared to confront the little know-it-alls with their snickering laughter and their iPhones out at times? The thought of a hungry pack of sixth graders cloning my every word made me shudder In my pastel Hawaiian shirt. Let me break away just for a moment I can't remember what telling this organization that I wore Hawaiian shirts to school, but I do just about every day. All right back to the book. The thought of a hungry pack of sixth graders cloning my every word made me shudder. In my pastel Hawaiian shirt, I felt like the only thing standing between order and pandemonium was a questionable sense of humor and a solid playlist of 70s music, because, let's be honest, nothing diffuses tension better than a little staying alive.
Greg:Eventually, I found myself standing in front of a classroom door my classroom door, I might add. It felt like a portal to a different dimension. That's ironic, since I just got back from Epic Universe. I put my hand on the handle, took another deep breath and steeled myself for whatever lay within. My heart pounded like a bass drum as I turned the knob, partially afraid of what was on the other side some parasite-like preteen who'd become the ruler of the jungle, ready to dethrone me at my moment. What if this self-imposed gamble didn't pay off? If only I could summon the spirit of my vacation trips, with their easygoing vibes and charm.
Greg:As I entered the classroom, the energy was palpable a mix of excitement, shenanigans and a hint of treachery, lurking in the corners like a cat ready to pounce. I let out, let out a nervousle, which earned me a look from a girl in the back who seemed suspiciously wise for 12 years old. She had a half smirk on her face, as if she had just realized she was about to witness a glorious train wreck. I quickly gathered my thoughts and put on my teacher face which, by the way, looks a lot like my regular face, but with a touch of full confidence added in. I cleared my throat a sound that resonated throughout the classroom like an air horn and introduced myself Good morning everyone. I'm Mr Collins, your substitute teacher for the day. The way I said it, I could almost hear the echo of uncertainty ripple through the room, I swear they collectively held their breath, trying to analyze me like a science experiment gone wrong. It was as if they are trading bets on whether or not I could keep them under control. Some students nodded. Others seemed deep in thought about whether they would need to send a rescue text to their parents.
Greg:After a whirlwind of introductions, I tried to regain a semblance of control, ask them what they like to do. The conversations fused into a cacophony reminiscent of a disco party gone wrong, with kids shouting out hobbies like eating pizza, playing video games and scrolling Insta. No surprise there. If there was one thing I learned from all those years watching 70s sitcoms, it was that kids could be unabashedly honest about what they loved. I could hear the echo of golden songs like Dancing Queen playing in the back of my mind, because hey, who doesn't love a little dancing amid chaos?
Greg:To further complicate matters, I decided to introduce some engaging activities. I split the classes into groups, arming them with construction paper, scissors and markers in an effort to create their own pizza, complete with toppings. As we started discussing fractions, I figured if they could grasp fractions by designing their ideal pizza, perhaps that would spark some joy and interest in math. Yet what ensued was akin to a kindergarten class left unsupervised at a zoo. Scissors began flying and paper pieces paper pizza slices started sticking to walls like wildlife rather than resembling culinary art. I felt my heart race a little as I realized I'd now created a pizza-based paper mache site, more akin to an avant-garde museum exhibit rather than a math lesson. They say in teaching, a good lesson plan is only as useful as the ability to adapt to real-time mayhem. Very true. As I swiveled around to regain control, a part of me thought what would the great rock stars of the 70s do in this situation? The answer was simple They'd roll with it and embrace the chaos. And that's precisely what I attempted to do as I launched into a bizarre, impromptu discussion about how rock music can break down barriers, even those formed by mythology around fractions. Somehow peppering stairway to heaven into my attempts by making math relatable felt incredibly liberating at the moment.
Greg:One sunny Tuesday morning I walked to the classroom filled with an unusual sense of optimism. I'd barely closed the door behind me when it happened. A once innocent plastic water bottle magically morphed into a projectile, launched with pinpoint accuracy into the air, like a scene straight out of an action movie. I turned just in time to see the bottle sail majestically across the room, grazing a poor girl's curly top, before plummeting into the oblivion of my finely crafted whiteboard. Sure enough, the room erupted into chaos, as if it had been waiting for this moment all week. The resulting laughter ricocheted off the walls, bouncing like a basketball at finals. Guess, we've launched the water battle Olympics, I joke. Trying to tame the insanity around me To quell the ensuing laughter. I resorted to quick-witted reasoning All right class, how about we save the bottle toss for gym class? Today we'll focus on math and the importance of aiming for the right target.
Greg:Amid stifled giggles and knowing glances, I could see their inner workings of the students' minds. They were already concocting elaborate schemes to outdo each other with further antics. Suddenly, suddenly, I felt like I was hosting the world's least productive episode of a show. Looking back at the day, as I sipped a mug of lukewarm coffee, my exhaustion felt strangely rejuvenating. It was as if I had stepped out of a classroom and into a world that reminded me how to laugh freely and embrace moments of spontaneous joy, something I might have lost amid the whirlwinds of adult responsibilities. My journey as a substitute teacher was just beginning, and while the days ahead promised their fair share of adventure, heartbreak and comedy, I couldn't help but feel excited. I was all ready to encounter mayhem, tackle unpredictability and ultimately discover the wonderful world of learning alongside those young minds. Whatever tomorrow had in store, I could only hope it was as festive as today and perhaps sprinkled with a little less flour.
Greg:All right, that's all I'm going to read from the first chapter. There's 14 other chapters pretty much just like it. That's all I'm going to read from the first chapter. There's 14 other chapters pretty much just like it. I'll apologize to those of you that listen to this podcast on a faster speed, because I know I was talking really fast. Try not to take up too much time, so you might have had to click your speed down a little bit for this one. But that's it. An AI-created book about me, not written by me or anybody else, just written by the forces out there above us.
